Tag Archives: quarter-life crisis

Big Changes

Forget The Risk

Big changes are coming. And they’re coming FAST. I am sorry to have abandoned my little place on the internet for quite some time — but my head and my heart were in a million different places at once and I found it hard to dedicate my time to anything at all — even the stuff I had to do.

Big change number one? I quit my job. You know, the one I was absolutely miserable at. Roughly 3.5 weeks ago I was at work and day-dreaming about typing up my 2 week notice when suddenly I found myself doing just that. I made it 3 weeks, since I would be gone for the middle week for Thanksgiving, handed in my notice, and immediately felt a sense of relief. Short lived, of course, as the consequences of my actions came swooping in — YOU HAVE NO JOB. NO PLAN! Unless I’m shopping, I am not a very impulsive person. I think (and think and think and think) things through (way too much) but this — it just happened.

Big change number two? I am leaving Charlotte, NC. The place I’ve come to call home in the past year. In fact, I’m leaving North Carolina all together, my home for the past four+ years, to move back in with my parents in Virginia (outside of D.C.). (gulp) It sucks to even admit that! But it will really be the best thing for me, not paying rent and trying to figure out the rest of my life. It’s no secret I have spent the last year or so in a constant state of “1/3 of life” crisis (1/4 sounds terrible, I don’t know if I want to live until I’m 100!)..

So what does big change number two really mean? It means I’m leaving Jordan, my boyfriend of nearly 2 years. This is no easy feat. And I know what you’re thinking — hello, long distance! But 7.5 hours is a LONG distance. It will be several more years before I finish college and grad-school, which means several years of long-distance. While he is completely supportive of me doing what I need to do for my future, it is a very bittersweet time because it basically means the end for us. As I said, bittersweet. But sometimes we need to make decisions in life that are bittersweet in order to better our own lives.

So, in a nutshell there are only two big life changes, but they are prettyyy big, and contain many smaller life changes within them. I have experienced great anxiety in this time and am looking forward to the future — when I can breath and know and see that this is the right thing for me to do.

On to new adventures, right?

First Steps

(both images from here)

What Am I Doing?

breaking

life

I’ve hit another wall. I’m not sure how else to explain it other than I just don’t know what to do with my life. I have so many ideas, so many different little dreams, but which of these dreams is realistic? Which do I go with? Am I crazy for dreaming some silly little things for myself? How do I know which direction to go in?

I am so grateful for Jordan. As I sat on the couch last night blurting out all these random things and “I don’t know’s” — tears building in my eyes — he came next to me, put his arm around me, and said I could do anything, and none of them sounded silly, I should do what I dream of. And in typical Jordan fashion he cracked a little joke to make me smile and forget it all…

Oh, life… I’ll figure you out one day, won’t I?

Quarter-Life Crisis

I am facing a major “quarter-life crisis.” At first I used that term as a joke, but it’s very apparent to me how very real this is. My generally happy and uplifting spirit and attitude towards life is nearly impossible to not fake lately. In fact, most of the time I am down right miserable; I’m sad, I’m scared, I don’t know, I’m moody, I over-react, I am so so sensitive, I can break out in tears in a matter of seconds (I’m urging back the tears and sniffles as I type this at work), the list goes on. And it all ever really comes down to a few things:

1) I’m 24 and I haven’t graduated college.
2) I am so unsure as of what to study now, where to go to school, how to go back to school while still having to work full-time (I mean, I know plenty of people do it..)
3) I’m not happy with my current job, not only is it not fufilling but I don’t get paid enough money.
4) I worry about money all. the. time.
5) I want to move out of Jordan’s place and I just can’t seem to find a place, or roommates. I can’t afford to live on my own no matter how badly I want to.
6) I’m so unsure of my future with Jordan it just makes me want to give up on it all, which is absolutely silly but I think this is mostly due to the 5 other things I’ve listed.
7) I want to pick up and move somewhere else, as if that will solve all my problems, right?
8) I don’t want to have to rely on anyone and that is just not realistic (and therefore, it is unfair).

I realize that I need to be absolutely grateful for the life I have, the love I have, the health and security I have that so many people do not have in my country and every other country, and in truth I am absolutely grateful for it all, but I just expect so much more out of myself. I have plenty of logical answers to all of these troubles, it is just so hard to listen to myself sometimes. I am a big mess. I am scared to move forward with my life. I am scared to mess up something good. I am scared to fail. I am scared of all of these things that in truth everyone are afraid of, so why are they paralyzing me and not other people (…I know that they probably are and I just am not there to witness/know it, much like how I don’t tell many people of my fears).

I JUST DON’T KNOW. That is all I can come up with. And because of that all I want to do is curl up in a ball, eat chocolate, run away, become a gypsy, and give up on ultimately doing anything positive with my life. I can be so dramatic. I know that realistically I am not alone in these feelings but at the moment it certainly feels that way. Facebook is so detrimental because I see everyone living their lives, graduating, getting great jobs, traveling, getting engaged/married/having a child… I just feel so behind, so left out. Where did it all go wrong for me? How did I mess things up for myself?

Continue reading